GYROFROG communicationsI'm corrugated!

Friedrich Nietzsche, the C.I.A., and Men on the Moon

by Doctor X and Joe Castleman

[Note: the following article was originally published in Gyrofrog № 1, Nov. 1991; all temporal references in this article are relative to the date of its original publication.]

(Due to the sensitive nature of this article, we have concealed Dr. X's identity to protect him or her from governmental harassment...)

Each person reading this article has probably been told, at some point in his or her life, about the mythical Man on the Moon. The purpose of this article is to inform the public that the Man on the Moon is not a myth; in fact there is more than one Man: hundreds, possibly thousands of persons comprise a mysterious lunar society, one that is far more technologically superior to even the most advanced secret societies on Earth.

The details of this Lunar society are understandably sketchy, when given the distance between the Earth and the Moon, which Earthlings have only conquered within the past twenty-two years. Yet, there are a few revealing facts which we do know about the Moon's inhabitants. These facts involve both Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche and the Central Intelligence Agency, which are, perhaps not so coincidentally, two of the more mysterious entities in world history.

The Friedrich Nietzsche whom we are familiar with was, in fact, a member of a Lunar society in which each person is virtually identical -- in short, a race of Friedrich Nietzsches. Our Friedrich, fearing that his fellow Lunarians would someday use their technological and mental prowess to enslave the weaker Earthlings, secretly traveled to Earth in the nineteenth century. What most people believe to be Nietzsche's philosophies are, in reality, bits and pieces of Lunarian knowledge. Nietzsche, being much more benevolent than his Lunar brethren, graciously revealed this information to the mentally inferior people of earth, in hopes that it would bring them to a higher level of intelligence, thus making them less vulnerable to any possible Lunarian attack --- physical, psychic, or otherwise.

Although Nietzsche never completed his personal mission of educating Earthlings in Lunarian thought (some of which was misused for despotic ends), and never hinted at his true identity, his fellow Lunarians felt that their superiority over Earthlings, as well as their secrecy, was somehow threatened. Eventually, however, the Lunarians later decided to follow in Nietzsche's footsteps by making direct contact with Earthlings. But while Nietzsche hoped to enlighten Earth's entire population through his teachings, his fellow Lunarians set their sights on a select group of Earthlings -- scientists, intellectuals, persons with great power and prestige -- in hope that these people would act as enforcers of Lunarian foreign policy. Nietzsche's fears were, in fact, correct -- the Lunarians were in fact planning a takeover of the Earth, and they were planning to cooperate with the Earth's elite to achieve this.

It was now just a matter of time. The Lunarians merely had to secretly observe the Earthlings, and wait for the elite to show themselves by performing a feat so technologically (yet diabolically) advanced, that it would nearly rival Lunarian abilities. At this time, a Lunarian envoy would secretly meet with the select Earthlings, and propose that they assist the Lunarians in their attempts at Earth Domination. In exchange, the Lunarians would share their immense power, prestige, knowledge, and technology with the Earth's elite.

This opportunity for the Lunarians presented itself during the final stages of World War Two (Nietzsche was unable to intervene, having passed away some forty-five years earlier). The military and governmental leaders of the United States, as well as a host of physicists, revealed themselves as the Earth's elite (at least in the Lunarians' eyes) by developing, and successfully utilizing, atomic weapons. Additionally, the United States now possessed 50% of the world's wealth, giving the Lunarians an additional reason to see them as the Earth's elite. The Lunarians knew that envoy whose members all bore an extreme resemblance to Friedrich Nietzsche would probably startle the Earthlings, so the entire Lunar race underwent surgical and genetic changes to diversify their appearances. The Lunarians were now ready for a clandestine encounter with the select Earthlings.

The exact time and circumstances of the Lunarians' first meeting with the United States elite are not known. What is known is that around this same time, the United States Office of Strategic Services (created in 1942) was disbanded, and soon thereafter, the Central Intelligence Agency Group (C.I.G.) was formed. This was replaced by the Central Intelligence Agency (C.I.A.), in accordance with the National Security Act, passed by Congress in 1947. However, what most Congressmen were unaware of was that by creating the C.I.A., they had set up an organization within the United States Government which consisted entirely of Lunarians. (Remember which federal agency George Bush just happened to be the director of 15 years ago?) In addition to comprising the entire C.I.A. (and now, upon the installment of George Bush, the Presidency), Lunarians have infiltrated other sectors of the government and now hold high positions in the Treasury Department, as well as all four branches of the military.

By now, no doubt, many readers are snickering to themselves, dismissing the mere idea of Men on the Moon as being a crackpot pseudo-theory. "Men on the Moon?!" they say. "Why, that's utterly preposterous!" Most people who challenge my statements will undoubtedly point to the fact that Earthlings have sent both robot probes and human astronauts to the Moon, and that neither have revealed the Moon as being anything except a barren rock. The sobering truth, however, is that the robot probes were intercepted by the Lunarians and given false data, thus convincing Earthlings that the Moon is, ostensibly, an airless orb dotted with craters. The astronauts sent to the Moon by the United States were dealt with similarly by the Lunarians, who brainwashed them with the same false information they had fed to the robot probes. When one considers the astronauts' reports apart from the context of ticker-tape parades and heroic speeches, they are nothing more than bored observations: "The Moon's really hot. It's just a bunch of rocks. There's no air. Don't go."

Remaining opponents to my theories will further defend their arguments with the fact that anyone with a telescope, or good eyesight for that matter, can look at the Moon and plainly see that the Lunar landscape is indeed desolate. What my opponents fail to recall is that the Lunarians have been technologically superior to the Earthlings for many centuries, and that it would not be at all difficult for the Lunarians to disguise the Moon, and themselves, with a cloaking device which would create an illusion of the Moon as the barren, lifeless wasteland seen from Earth.

So, after seeing the truth in my statements, most readers are wondering what the Lunarians' next step will be. My theory is that they will attempt to take over all methods of communication in the United States. Since mass media in the United States -- telephone companies, newspapers, radio and television broadcasters, book and magazine publishers -- are mostly owned and controlled by a handful of corporations, the simplest course of action for the Lunarians to follow would be to infiltrate these organizations. On the other hand, this is one area in which earthlings can protect themselves from further Lunarian control. Smaller, independent media, including this publication which you are now reading, can be produced by Earthlings such as ourselves without great difficulty or expense. Further, these publications are too numerous for the Lunarians to closely monitor, and too personalized for them to imitate. Thus, I recommend that all of you continue to read publications like Gyrofrog, or start one of your own; that way, you will know exactly whose material you are reading: either your own, or that of another Earthling like yourself.